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| This is a homage to the little kitty >.< Meo Meo! |
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Happy Halloween!
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
My Picture Timeline on Youtube
Hello! I decided it's time to put up some pictures of my progress.. I want to talk more about Cushing's, my experience, and support through videos but I'm a bit still shy so I decided to make a slideshow instead... I'm not a pro and some of the captions don't show up idk how to fix it loll I'm a newb but here it is:
Saturday, October 19, 2013
A New Earth??
Started reading "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle and read this paragraph that made me go whoa... lol I thank this author because I believe it is true. Damn ego... =]
Friday, October 18, 2013
What Really Happened
This Monday I was on the verge of a panic attack I had the feelings come on so I tried to smoke some and drank a little Nyquil to calm down and sleep it off. BTW I do not console anyone to do that! EVER!! Well it didn't seem to help so I called my nurse and she told me to go to the Neuro center at my hospital immediately. So I went and texted Muffin that I was getting some help. Apparently the nurse thought I was committing suicide and called the cops and ambulance. Well, I did tell her I was trying to "stop the bad feelings" I guess it can be misinterpreted Anyways during the time I went to the center I had to give up my belongings and my cellphone. I stayed for a day and talked to some Psychiatrists about my health conditions and how nobody seems to understand. They told me that all of my feelings are validated and said I had a "rough childhood" lol I guess.. Once I got out I found like 50 texts and missed calls from Muffin and family members worried and that's when I found out that 10 cop cars and ambulance came to the apartment that night. I just want to thank everyone for caring so much and apologize for scaring up a storm. The truth from what the Psychiatrists concluded was that I do have suicidal tendencies. But don't worry I don't plan on taking my life or harming others. I DON"T WANT TO DIE. It's just hard living with Adrenal Insuffiency as it was with Cushing's. except for the fact that you don't bloat up like a balloon.
Well let's talk about some GOOD PROGRESS
Today I went to see my doc, I still am Adrenal Insufficient. So still on the HTR. When they weighed me I was 112 lbs which means I have lost 16 lbs since Adrenalectomy. That puts me back to how much I weighed back in HS. This is with little to no diet or exercise! Ohyeah! The weird part is that I have gotten 2 inches shorter. I use to be 5'5 and now i'm 5'3. I made them double check and that's how the cookie crumbled. Maybe it had to do with Cushing's and osteoporosis/bone loss was a symptom. But yeah I guess the only good news is the weightloss haha! Atleast I can fit into that dress pictured below I wanted to wear to Muffin's friends' wedding. Initially I had trouble zipping up the dress when I first got it but the day of, it fit like a glove. I had reservations about going to such a public place but who could miss a wedding in the name of love?
Well let's talk about some GOOD PROGRESS
Today I went to see my doc, I still am Adrenal Insufficient. So still on the HTR. When they weighed me I was 112 lbs which means I have lost 16 lbs since Adrenalectomy. That puts me back to how much I weighed back in HS. This is with little to no diet or exercise! Ohyeah! The weird part is that I have gotten 2 inches shorter. I use to be 5'5 and now i'm 5'3. I made them double check and that's how the cookie crumbled. Maybe it had to do with Cushing's and osteoporosis/bone loss was a symptom. But yeah I guess the only good news is the weightloss haha! Atleast I can fit into that dress pictured below I wanted to wear to Muffin's friends' wedding. Initially I had trouble zipping up the dress when I first got it but the day of, it fit like a glove. I had reservations about going to such a public place but who could miss a wedding in the name of love?
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| Where's Miley? |
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| My S.O. |
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| Love these nails! Essie Polish and Essie gold Applique |
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Friday, October 4, 2013
Childhood Bully, We Meet Again
I am not sure ironic is the word to describe this story but it was surely crazy coincidence and unexpected. So the other week I went to get the routine bloodcheck at the hospital and ran into who else but my childhood bully. She came out of the door and called me into the room for blood draw. At first I thought " wow she looks familiar, can this be the mean girl who tormented me throughout my childhood years?" But I told myself that it was definitely not her since she was such a terrible, snobby, hateful person back then how could she ever be allowed to take people's blood? This was the girl who made fun of my weight calling me FAT, told me I had ugly clothes, ugly hair, and turned other girls against me. She picked on me relentlessly for years growing up until I finally lost weight in the 5th grade and we started wearing uniform so she couldn't make fun of my clothes. she was the ring leader of the mean girls and it all started in Kindergarten! Well I just kept quiet because taking blood already makes me anxious and nauseous. She then tells me "hey I remember you!". Immediately I thought ohh man she's going to say you were that fat kid who was a dork. But instead she said, " you were that artistic girl who draws really well, and would draw everyone's portrait." I said "aww thanks, It's good to see you again". Even though that was the worst painful and slow blood draw... She poked me three times with the big needle and could not get any blood. Finally she used the small butterfly needle and got some blood. I do not see her as a villain in my mind any longer. Funny enough I found it amusing that something so peculiar happened. I thank that because of her, I overcame the sadness of being subjected to her victim as a child and grew past it and became stronger. I thank that the person who use to make my life miserable is now contributing to my recovery. How ironic is that?
Can we talk about bullying? I have encountered many mean people or bullies in different shapes and forms until today. They can be a friend, stranger, enemy, even a family member. Especially during my time of sickness prior to people knowing how sick I was, they were mean to me. People called me fat, lazy, and moody. Well I was fat because I was retaining sodium, water, and fat because of my tumor. I was lazy because I was tired because the tumor causes fatigue, I was moody because the tumor chemically changed my hormones. So I am the way I am because of my health condition. What is the bully's excuse for being such a douche bag? This is a message to a bully and to all of their victims:
Dear Bully: Why are you mean? Does it make you feel better to pick on others? Gossip? Are you insecure? Why are you angry at others? Do you blame ppl for what goes on in your life? You have to say or do mean things to others to make yourself feel better than them. The truth is that the person you are bullying are on a higher level than you because they actually can take the high road and do not need to act the same way as you, next time you want to be mean to someone think about the situation they are in. They could be sick, taking medication, poor, going through a hard time etc... You should have compassion in your heart and be thankful that you are blessed to have what you have that was given from God. Be thankful you are not in their position. Maybe you should try getting all your facts before you pass a jugdement on someone. The people who are bullied do not have regrets on how they have treated others. Even years from now a good person will not have a guilty conscience but will a bully? The bottom line is that everyone wants to be loved. If you are nice, people will love you easily, but if you are unkind, people will have a hard time wanting to stay close to you. and when that time comes you will know. To those who are being treated badly: I know that it is not easy during the time of being bullied. It sometimes feels extremely hard to think that life will get better but everything will be fine and life indeed will get better. When I encounter an ignorant person who has angered me, I realize that those feelings are not real and I will get past it. I just remember that some people are not able to see God in their judgements because they only see THEIR own perspective and not a bigger picture. Have compassion that they are only ignorant and cannot see past it. And the most important part is to have forgiveness in your heart. Thank you all the bullies who have made me closer to myself and to God. <3
PS. Jesus is the poster child for being bullied. He was bullied his whole life. He was bullied to death. He knows exactly what being bullied was about. He went through a terrible case of being judged, hated, picked on. He got crucified by his bullies! But he is now our God almighty!
Can we talk about bullying? I have encountered many mean people or bullies in different shapes and forms until today. They can be a friend, stranger, enemy, even a family member. Especially during my time of sickness prior to people knowing how sick I was, they were mean to me. People called me fat, lazy, and moody. Well I was fat because I was retaining sodium, water, and fat because of my tumor. I was lazy because I was tired because the tumor causes fatigue, I was moody because the tumor chemically changed my hormones. So I am the way I am because of my health condition. What is the bully's excuse for being such a douche bag? This is a message to a bully and to all of their victims:
Dear Bully: Why are you mean? Does it make you feel better to pick on others? Gossip? Are you insecure? Why are you angry at others? Do you blame ppl for what goes on in your life? You have to say or do mean things to others to make yourself feel better than them. The truth is that the person you are bullying are on a higher level than you because they actually can take the high road and do not need to act the same way as you, next time you want to be mean to someone think about the situation they are in. They could be sick, taking medication, poor, going through a hard time etc... You should have compassion in your heart and be thankful that you are blessed to have what you have that was given from God. Be thankful you are not in their position. Maybe you should try getting all your facts before you pass a jugdement on someone. The people who are bullied do not have regrets on how they have treated others. Even years from now a good person will not have a guilty conscience but will a bully? The bottom line is that everyone wants to be loved. If you are nice, people will love you easily, but if you are unkind, people will have a hard time wanting to stay close to you. and when that time comes you will know. To those who are being treated badly: I know that it is not easy during the time of being bullied. It sometimes feels extremely hard to think that life will get better but everything will be fine and life indeed will get better. When I encounter an ignorant person who has angered me, I realize that those feelings are not real and I will get past it. I just remember that some people are not able to see God in their judgements because they only see THEIR own perspective and not a bigger picture. Have compassion that they are only ignorant and cannot see past it. And the most important part is to have forgiveness in your heart. Thank you all the bullies who have made me closer to myself and to God. <3
PS. Jesus is the poster child for being bullied. He was bullied his whole life. He was bullied to death. He knows exactly what being bullied was about. He went through a terrible case of being judged, hated, picked on. He got crucified by his bullies! But he is now our God almighty!
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